Right Here
by Super Vanilla Bear
Summary: Happy 22nd birthday, James Maslow! James' birthday doesn't go as planned. No slash, but some Logie angst and cuddling!


**Author's Note: **Unfortunately, I do not own the television show or band _Big Time Rush._

As many of you probably know, today, July 16, 2012, is the amazing James Maslow's 22nd birthday! Please be sure to tweet him at (at sign - my iPhone really hates that symbol) JamesMaslow to wish him a happy birthday! He, like the rest of the boys and their crew, does a lot of work for all of us Rushers, so let's elevate (come on, someone had to expect this word play and pun) his spirits on his special day and let him know we're all there to support him on this journey and continue to love the work they all produce!

Birthday tweets from the boys:

Logan Henderson: "Happy Birthday to jamesmaslow! True friend and true talent! Love ya BigOleAwesomeGuy haha Dueces!"

Carlos Pena: "Happy birthday to jamesmaslow! To my brotha from anotha motha... Love u dude! Many more great memories."

Kendall Schmidt: "Happy birthday to the awesomely talented jamesmaslow! Love you buddy :)"

Logan Henderson (again): "Happy Birthday to my brother from another mother jamesmaslow! Love ya dude"

This is just a little note regarding this fic: Since this is SHOW based and not real life, I wrote it to where James is turning 18 instead of 22. It wouldn't necessarily be a fanfiction if I wrote it about real life, so he's only turning 18 here. I hope this doesn't bother anyone, and I'm sorry if it does. I just don't really feel comfortable writing that since it wouldn't be based around the television show, which I love itself, so that's why I'm not doing it.

Happy birthday, James! =)

* * *

_Comfort_

"Happy birthday, James!" the huge crowd of people shout in unison, smiles plastered all over their faces, lifting up their plastic cups in order to fully celebrate this special occasion. The Palmwoods pool is lit up with fancy decorations; lights, streamers, balloons, you name it, a hyperactive, birthday-crazed Carlos probably bought it. Everyone is dancing, laughing, swimming, eating, having the time of their lives underneath the mid-July moon. And, at this moment, James Diamond isn't sure if it's possible for him to be happier than he is right now.

The brunette's perfectly white teeth glow as he flashes his signature grin, cutting the hair care product themed vanilla cake with a knife. Kendall shocked him with this style of dessert, understanding his taste for his personal beauty and how he spends at least two hours on his hair every morning. He loves his best friends. Without them, this party never would have happened. He knew something had been up all day, especially when Carlos kept cowering away, unable to stop giggling at the thought of a surprise birthday party for his best friend tonight.

"So, old man, how's it feel to be eighteen?" Kendall questions, wrapping his arm around the taller boy's shoulders, satisfactorily sighing at the sight of how well this little gathering is going. James completely deserves all of this, though, with all of the hard work and dedication he's put into himself and the band this past year. Plus, the parties are just a giant part of being with the quartet. Every year, they host four borderline blow outs, one for each member's birthday. James' always comes first, which is why it's usually the biggest.

James shrugs. "Pretty much like being seventeen," he answers, slicing another piece of cake and handing it to his blond friend.

"BONZAI!"

And, then, for a split second, James' world goes pitch black as he feels his face being smashed full force into the cake on the wooden table. Purple icing splatters across his once marvelous and flawless complexion, white crumbs matted into his styled hair. He licks his lips, takes his hand and slams it into the already destroyed party favor, wiping it all over the Latino's black tuxedo, which he wore to help out with the double-oh-seven James Bond theme. Carlos laughs wildly, unbuttoning his white dress shirt in order to eat some of it off like a monkey on helium.

"Dude!" James exclaims, unable to keep a straight face in the slightest.

"Um... Happy birthday, Jamie?" Carlos tries, shrugging his shoulders, his innocent puppy dog eyes growing wider.

The older brunette smiles. "I love you guys," he says to two of his best friends and band mates, wiping off his face with a few paper towels that Kendall gave him. "Where's Logan?" he inquires, his brown orbs wandering throughout the party setting, trying to locate the smaller boy. He knows that Logan has never been big on get togethers due to his quiet, shy personality, but he's usually glued to one of their hips and having fun when it's one of their birthdays. It's not like him to just completely disappear, especially during these events.

"Over there," Kendall points out, his index finger landing in the direction of the cabana. Under the red and yellow lights, he can make out the young boy chewing mercilessly on his fingernails, worry expressed by his deflated posture, his spiked hair lacking life as purple bags accent underneath his eyes. Logan has been acting strange since this morning; dozing off at random times, yawning constantly, massaging his temples as if something is wrong. This is strange, he thinks, and he drops the knife carefully before heading over there.

"Hey, dude," James starts, kneeling in front of his genius friend, his heart rate accelerating once Logan flinches away from the touch of his hand on his skinny leg. "Are you okay?" The raven haired teen refuses to make full eye contact with him, only passing a glance every now and then as he shifts uncomfortably, biting on the skin of his thumb. As soon as James sees the tears glistening in his brown orbs, he panics. "Buddy, what's wrong?" He wipes away the stray, fallen tears with his finger, alarmed by the warmth of Logan's face.

Logan just shakes his head. "N-Nothing. I'm fine."

"Seriously, Logan? You're not fine if you're crying."

His tiny friend shrugs. "I'm just tired," he mumbles, burying his head in his hands. Great. He's always the one to screw things up, isn't he? It's James' birthday! He's turning eighteen, stepping into adulthood, and all Logan can focus on is what happened last night. He's barely been able to look at the older brunette today, and it's honestly making him sick to his stomach. More than anything, Logan just wants all of this to go away. Why does he have to mess everything up? He should be hosting the party with Kendall, dancing the night away like Carlos, or just being there with James to show him that he cares that it's his birthday.

"We can go inside if you want, Loges. You shouldn't be out here if you're not feeling good."

Logan sighs. "I'm fine. Just... Just don't worry about it," he says, pushing himself up on wobbly knees, heading over to where Kendall is, hoping his adoptive brother will be able to lift his spirits somehow. He's tired of this. He's tired of not being able to sleep at night and having horrible nightmares when he manages to catch a few minutes to slumber. More tears escape as he shakily makes his way over to the blond, wrapping his arms around the taller boy as soon as he gets there, crying softly into his jacket. Why does it always have to be him?

"Woah, Loges," Kendall coos, pulling the little brunette into a bear hug. He's trembling beneath his fingertips as he rubs his back gently, worried by the heat radiating off in waves from the small boy as he snuggles his face into his neck. His baby brother has been acting off all day, and he knew it was only a matter of time before this happened, even if it is at the most inconvenient place. It isn't long before Logan's cries stop, the boy too exhausted to keep fighting whatever is wrong, going almost entirely limp in Kendall's arms.

James gets one good look at Kendall comforting Logan, and he immediately feels like the worst best friend in the world. He doesn't understand why the pale teen always has to run away to his older brother, but he guesses he'll never fully know why Logan is so attached to Kendall. He sighs and walks over to the pool, stripping down into his swimming trunks underneath his khaki shorts before jumping in, hoping to let the water soak in and wash away his worries about one of his friends. If there's anything he's learned in his eighteen years on this planet, it's that it's never good when Logan starts to pull away from any of them.

* * *

_"This really isn't a good idea," Logan repeats for the umpteenth time, fiddling with his knee pad. Nausea bubbles in his stomach as he measures the angle of depression of the giant asphalt hill. James wants to race down it on their skateboards, seeming to forget about Logan's nearly paralyzing fear of heights. All the younger brunette can think about is: What happens if one of them wipes out? What happens if they can't stop? What happens if they head into oncoming traffic? He gulps, dizziness washing over him, sweat pouring down his hairline in the heat._

_James rolls his eyes. "Live a little, dude."_

_"And I'd like to keep living, but this is sure to get us killed."_

_"Don't be such a wimp," he says, strapping on his helmet, rolling around back and forth on his skateboard, adjusting his stance to become ready for the ultimate rush. Kendall and Carlos are both busy, so he decided to bring Logan out here with him, hoping to get the other brunette to stop being such a chicken when it comes to things like this. Usually, it's Carlos pulling these kind of stunts, but not today. Today is his day to prove that he can do crazy things too, especially since the fans seem to find the Latino's wild side oddly amazing and attractive._

_Logan shakes his head. "I'm not going it, James, and neither are you."_

_James sighs. "We'll be fine, Loges. What's the worst that could happen?"_

_"Gee, I dunno! Bruises, abrasions, concussions, broken bones, amnesia, blood clots, brain damage, the inability to go to the bathroom without-"_

_"Logan!" the taller teen shouts. "Dude, you gotta relax. We. Will. Be. Fine."_

_The tiny genius' mind spins as his heart rate triples, pounding viciously into his chest. He bites down hard enough on his bottom lip to draw blood, but he ends up putting on his helmet anyway, completely flattening his spikes. He sighs, panic coursing through his veins, his breathing becoming rapid and shallow as he glances down the hill at the Los Angeles traffic below. "I gotta get new friends," he states worriedly before hopping on his skateboard, knees shaking as his rolls on it, too nervous to move forward._

_"Ready?"_

_Logan shakes his head._

_"Too bad," James says, pushing off on the device, grabbing the smaller boy's wrist to give him a tug in his direction. Soon, they're both racing down the hill at an incredibly fast speed, dodging kids and cars left and right. The wind feels wonderful against James' perfect face, and he smiles at how free he is at the moment. He's practically flying, and there's no better sensation. The next he knows is that they're near the bottom. He moves to stop, but he's going too fast to move his feet. He tries, but they won't move from their position. He turns his head around to see that Logan has already stopped, but James can't._

_Shit._

_He's stuck._

_Logan drops his skateboard and begins to run as soon as he sees how out of control James is. He's heading straight into traffic, moving way too quickly for him to possibly catch up. His heart plummets to his feet as he hurdles himself forward, trying to catch on to the older boy's hood, but it's too late. And, the cars don't stop for the kid, unable to since its a busy Los Angeles interstate highway. Logan hears a sickening crack, screaming, smoke arising from the engine as he witnesses James slip under the front end._

_"JAMES!"_

_He sprints as fast as he possibly can, dropping on to his knees in the middle of the road, cars stopping dead in their tracks after seeing an accident unfold. "C'mon, buddy," Logan says, pulling a bloody body out from under it, not caring about how burned his hands and face are going to be from the fumes. James' head is bleeding profusely, crimson liquid soaking Logan's jeans as he positions his cranium in his lap, his hands trembling violently as he checks for a pulse._

_But, there isn't one._

_"James, c'mon, dude. Wake up," he says, tears dripping everywhere as he slaps him lightly. "Jamie. Don't do this to me." Nothing. "James!" he screams again, his heart stopping at the sight of his best friend so still and unresponsive. "James!" There's no answer, no movement, no breathing, no blinking, no sight of life left in the teenager's body. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing but the sound of his own shaking breaths as he tries everything to get the bloody, gashed open, lifeless boy in his arms to wake up._

_Nothing._

* * *

"James!"

Logan shoots up violently in his bed, unable to catch his breath. His heart is beating way too fast, shear and utter panic racing throughout his entire body, which won't stop quivering. Sweat is drenching his slender frame, sending shivers up his spine. Oh God. It's just a dream. It's just a dream. He keeps repeating this to himself to help calm him down, but that never happens. His heart is going to explode. This is how he's going to die. He's going to die from his heart exploding. That'll be a first in medical textbooks.

James.

He's the first thing that's been on his mind the instant he wakes up for these past two nights. His breathing is still too quick, but he hops put of bed anyway, dizzily making his way down the pitch black hallway, determined not to pass out as he vision goes insane. He stumbles, tripping over his black sock clad feet numerous times, his thermal long sleeved shirt and plaid pajama pants not doing anything to protect him from the cold of the night. He wraps his arms around his upper torso in an attempt to stay warm, sweat pouring into his eyes, but his discomfort doesn't matter right now. He has to make sure that James is okay.

Carlos and James' shared bedroom is at the very end of the hall, and it feels like it takes years for Logan to arrive there. He stands in the doorway, light cascading off of the walls from the Latino's "Lion King" nightlight on the ground, and it's at moments like these where he is thankful for his best friend's fear. James is flopped over on to his stomach, his arm dangling off the edge of the bed as soft snores escape his pale link lips, his hair rising and falling with his relaxed breathing pattern. Breathing. Oh, thank God. James is fine. James is fine. Or is he? The next step Logan takes is what breaks him.

He's having dreams about his best friend dying! What the hell is wrong with him? He'd rather never sleep again in his lifetime than have another nightmare like that. He struggles not to collapse on the carpet, tears flowing freely as he sits on James' bed, carefully placing his hand on his bare back, trying not wake him. "I-I-I'm so... s-sorry," he whispers, making more effort to catch his breath. His vision wavers in the dimly lit room, grey and blue dots swimming and dancing around him, accompanying him during his sobbing fit. "Ja-James?" He gives up on letting him sleep. It's not fair in the slightest, but Logan has to make sure he's okay.

A lot of people wouldn't suspect it, but James Diamond is an extremely light sleeper. All it takes is one touch, one word, one random noise from his feast friends to send his eyes fluttering open. So, it's expected when he responds to Logan's strangled croak, but it's unexpected when James hears the plea-filled tone in Logan's voice. James automatically sits up, kicking his comforter away, turning on the bedside lamp next to him. His heart shatters into a million pieces when he gets a decent look at Logan.

The brunette is looking straight at him, tears glistening in his chocolate orbs and streaming down his flushed face. His usually neat, spiked hair is wildly tousled from sleep, his pajamas far too big on his tiny frame. His shirt is hanging part way off his shoulder, and James can feel him shivering from two feet away. Careful not to him, James wraps his arms around Logan's shaking shoulders, pulling him close, wincing at the warmth of his skin, knowing he should have done something about his earlier at the party.

And, then, the hyperventilating starts.

Logan starts quivering too hard, his breaths rapid and shallow as his face turns a shade of purple from panic and the lack of oxygen. His breathing is way too fast, and James recognizes what's happening right now all too well. He runs as fast he can to Logan's room, trying his best not to wake up either of their roommates, which is unlikely anyway because both of them sleep like the freaking dead, and grabs the boy's inhaler from his drawer before sprinting back to the brunette's aid. He finds the genius curled up in a tight, small ball on the very edge of the bed, threatening to topple to the floor, whimpering loudly.

James plops down on his bed, sitting up agains the headboard before gently pulling Logan to him, putting the inhaler in his mouth and pressing down on the canister to allow him to catch his breath. It takes a few minutes, but Logan finally appears to be calming down, his head resting on James' chest as his breathing begins to return to normal, but the trembling never does stop. The older brunette cradles the smaller boy in one of his muscular arms as he reaches over the edge to pick up his comforter, draping it over the short genius.

The two boys lay there for a while together, Logan wrapped up in James' arms, his face nuzzled into his chest, tiny whimpers filling the room every now and then. James snuggles his face into the other brunette's now flat hair, kissing him lightly on the top of his head. Not to his surprise, Carlos hasn't woken up yet. Actually, he hasn't even moved or shown any sign of life at all. And, usually Kendall can sense when his brother isn't in the room, but he guesses that the blond is just really tired tonight. Not that James minds that though. Sometimes, even when Logan is clearly hysterical, it's nice to be alone with his youngest best friend.

"What happened, Logie?" James questions, feeling the boy shudder at the use of his nickname.

Logan shakes his head into James' broad chest. "N-N-Nothing."

"C'mon, man. You don't just come in here crying at," he looks over at the clock, "one in the morning for no reason."

Silence.

The pale brunette doesn't make any form of effort to answer his question, he just cuddles closer to him. The unnatural warmth of Logan's body is starting to worry him, so James places a gentle hand on the boy's forehead, feeling it to be way too hot for his liking. Okay, something is definitely going on here. He was acting really off earlier, cried in front of both him and Kendall during the birthday party, came in here sobbing, and now he is running a fever, but won't say anything to him about it. Sometimes, he wishes he were Kendall during these situations. He doesn't understand it, but Logan always confides in the blond.

"You gotta let me help you, Loges," he whispers.

More silence.

"Please," James begs.

Logan shifts uncomfortably. "I-I... I had a... a ni-nightmare."

Okay, now they're getting somewhere. "About what?"

This time, the tiny genius pushes himself up, not worried about the dizziness and nausea. He really doesn't want to talk about this right now. He feels horrible enough as it is. He ruined James' birthday, and now he's ruining his night. He shouldn't have even came in here. He could have handled it on his own. The nightmare was stupid anyway. He's not sure why he had it two days in a row, but they will go away eventually. "Nothing," is all he says, not wanting to look James in the eyes. He's embarrassed and ashamed enough as it is. Why make it any worse?

"Why won't you talk to me, Logie?" Hurt traces every word as James says it. Sometimes, Logan is a frustrating person. He never lets anyone, besides his older brother, know what's going on in his mind, not even himself or Carlos. They've all known the shorter boy since he moved from Texas to Minnesota in the third grade, where he was smaller than everyone and was a full year younger. Usually, the other brunette just bottles up his feelings and emotions until they explode, leaving them to pick up the remains of their broken friend.

James doesn't want that to happen this time.

"Logan," James pleads, lifting up the boy's chin with his index finger so he'll make eye contact. "Please talk to me. I can help you. You can't just throw away how you're feeling. You have to let me help you. Please." He can't stand seeing Logan so vulnerable. Out of their quarter, he's always viewed Logan as the strongest. He's survived his mother's untimely death, his father's nearly constant physical and emotional abuse, and he still continues on with his life as if it never happened. It's admirable, but James still doesn't like these moments where the smart teen just looks like he's about to crack into a thousand pieces.

The tiny brunette takes in a shaky breath of air. "I... you... I-I had a... um nightmare about you... d-dying..."

James' eyes widen in both shock and horror. "What?"

Logan nods, tears falling down his cheeks. "I... We were skateboarding d-down a h-huge hill, and... uh, y-you lost control and fell into t-traffic... You got h-hit by a c-car and... d-died." While a giant weight feels like it's been lifted off of his chest, it still feels like he's run over by a bus. He crumbles into James' touch, collapsing into his awaiting embrace. "I'm sorry!" he cries, not hiding how he's feeling anymore. Why is he such a screw up? Why can't he just be normal like everyone else? Ah does this have to happen to him and his best friends?

James rubs Logan's overly heated back. "Dude, I'm right here. I'm fine. I'm okay. Nothing happened. It was just a nightmare. I would never leave you, Logan. Don't worry. I'm right here," he coos, trying to calm his best friend down, but that doesn't work. He runs his free hand through the boy's soft, damp hair, still cringing at his feverish forehead, whispering sweet nothings in his ears as he rocks him carefully back and forth, hoping the movement will sooth him. Sadly, that doesn't happen either.

Suddenly, a thought pops into his mind. He's seen Kendall do this hundreds of times, especially moments like these where Logan is freaking out and is staring to get sick. "Give me one more quiet night, before this loud morning gets it right and does me in," James sings sweetly, softening his tone as much as possible. "Does this story have an ending? 'Cuz I'm needing to escape and kill the blinding lights of day to try again. Close my eyes and start descending. We keep floating towards the floor, still in this pattern, never more, of sink or swim. But, the oxygen is proving more than words could ever say to put these memories away, so this is it." He finishes as soon as he hears Logan's breathing even out.

He sighs, leaning back against the headboard, cuddling Logan closer to him.

"Jamie?" He jumps at the sound of Logan's quiet, hoarse voice.

"Yeah, buddy?"

"I'm sorry for ruining your birthday."

James exhales deeply. "Buddy, you could never ruin my birthday. Get some sleep, okay?"

"M'kay," he mumbles, snuggling his warm face into James' chest once more.

"Goodnight, Logie."

"G'night, Jamie," he yawns. "Love you."

James smiles. "I love you too, buddy."

* * *

**Author's Note: **Okay, I know this wasn't birthday centric at all, but, hey, I still loved writing it. You guys were probably expecting something completely different, but I'm hoping you enjoyed reading it. The song James sang to Logan near the end is called "Rapid Eye Movement" by David Cook. Great song. You all should check it out. What did you guys think? I'm sorry if Logan's nightmare was epically lame. I might possibly continue this into a two or three-shot, so what do you think about that idea? Anyway, I hope you liked it, thank you so much for reading, and please remember to leave a review!

Happy birthday, James! =)


End file.
